Monday, January 2, 2012

My Big FAT A**

There comes a point when you have to start getting up and doing something in your life that makes you feel good. AND, it doesn’t have to be a NEWS YEAR’S RESOLUTION.

I figure that day may come soon for me.

Seriously, is it because it’s the New Year and I am feeling like “ok, it’s time, get up off your fat ass and do something about that big behind?” Or… is it time to realize that my depression I’ve had since like about the time my mom retired needs to be addressed as just pure self-pity. Or…. It is that I am just lazy and I know it and I need something like a New Year’s resolution to motivate my life-size behind.

Regardless, I need to do something besides feeling sorry for myself, granted there are plenty of things to feel sorry about… my big ass, my bank account, my middle age, the frown lines on my forehead, the lack of my own SOB (significant other body) to help me out in my wallow of self-pity by buying me tons of chocolate and then lying to me later when I ask, “does this make my ass look too big?"

Thus, I’ve decided that this year will be the year of truthfulness; I’ll quit pussy-footing around and look in the mirror and face up to the facts. I am who I am, my ass is my great big ass, my words on this paper are my words and not something censored for fear of revealing too much of me.

The last day of the 2011 I mulled over the idea of writing my lists of everything I needed to let go of, you know, those things like my love of junk food, candy, over-spending, laying in bed watching TV for hours at a time, self-pity. WAIT A SECOND! Aren’t these all connected to the seven deadly sins? (BTW, All this self-reflection started with someone’s Facebook post about a burning bowl ceremony… thanks… not.)

Okay, so maybe my spiritual life hasn’t been the best in the past year and I need to evaluate this… No, this can’t be true, or can it? Since I am not a big church-goer I think it’s fair to say that being spiritual to me has a lot to do with me being in touch with myself, and my purposeful life. Now I am beginning to see the problem - I am out of touch with myself, thus my relationship with God has also suffered. I haven’t at all been truthful with myself so I’ve avoided my relationship with God.

Now I got it – This year I’ll let go and let God. I’ll be honest with myself, and take the moment to ask myself what would he want me to do, and why? Because really, I am pretty sure he doesn’t think I need junk food, more clothes, or a big fat ass. I think he wants me to feel good in my skin and living my purposeful life. So, now I guess I’ll do that “White Stone” ceremony so my intentions can be known. (…Thanks Facebook person.)